Seven ways people block you at work
It is very frustrating to be blocked when you are trying to get somewhere.
Certain defence mechanisms people employ at work can leave us feeling irritable, frustrated and disconnected.
Over time we come to question ourselves and whether we are doing something wrong.
Often the real reason for our discontent is we are being blocked in some way.
It’s not always malicious
Mostly blockers do this without realising - they naturally struggle to focus, or they have some unconscious resistance.
Sometimes people do block intentionally - perhaps they don’t want us to find something out, or they pre-emptively hide, because they feel insecure and don’t want to be exposed. Maybe it’s just habit.
Unfortunately blocking doesn’t promote sustainable or creative relationships of any depth.
Below are some killer blocking techniques to watch out for - in yourself or others.
1.Binding statements
These are statements that by their nature make it difficult for you to assert yourself, without seeming to confirm the accusation/projection.
Eg: ‘You’re very defensive’ (how do you defend that criticism?)
Or: ‘You can’t accept criticism’ (going to be hard to not accept that without confirming them right).
They aren’t always intended to bind (and in fact often reflect the bind the blocker feels) but without sufficient details they often can have this trapping effect.
‘You’re very negative/critical’ can be binding because now you don’t feel you can make a valid criticism, even if it is constructive.
Even ‘you need to act more professional’ or ‘you need to listen more’ can be a subtle binding statement in some scenarios, where you feel unable to now express yourself authentically.
2. Talking about everything as a way of talking about nothing
Sometimes people are naturally distractable, but sometimes they use that too, even unconsciously, as a way of moving things off uncomfortable topics. Same with humour.
Some people don’t realise they are doing this, or aren’t even doing it intentionally as a blocking technique. Rather it’s more a feature of the way that their brains work - they make connections easily and their minds skip about like butterflies.
Unfortunately distracted people are also quite distracting. And just because it’s a natural feature of some people’s minds doesn’t mean they don’t use it.
Skipping from subject to subject prevents anyone from digging deeper into what is going on - either with them personally or what they are working on.
It’s very hard to get close to a person or the nub of the issue when the topic keeps changing, and different subjects keep getting introduced. The feeling of being on the receiving end of this block is disorientation and mild frustration.
3. Overwhelm
If someone talks really really fast it is hard to listen to them and keep up with what they are saying. They could of course also just be incredibly tense. I should know. I used to do this one.
Sometimes, when someone talks incredibly fast, it is hard to keep up or ask someone to slow down without feeling like a dunce.
However there are people who use this as a way of controlling the flow of information and keeping you on the back foot. The sheer speed and volume of information coming at you actually slows you down as you try and filter it and decide how to venture forward.
Additionally but not always, people can double the amount of overwhelm by throwing in a series of quite important pieces of information in this speedy dump, and it’s hard to catch them all, but then the onus is on you for ‘missing’ them. The feeling of this block is bamboozlement.
4. The hijack
When you throw something into the conversation that completely hijacks it
In the middle of the meeting or conversation something that is really sensational or deliberately provocative is thrown in.
If done effectively, this will hijack the conversation and send it in an entirely different direction: it’s the equivalent sleight of ‘look at that shiny thing over there!’
The feeling of being on the receiving end of this block is dissatisfaction. Eventually.
5.Not stopping talking
People can block you just by being intensely boring.
Often called filibustering when employed in parliament, this is a blocking tactic that simply takes up space, and is not particularly worried about what it takes up space with, all it wants to do is block you from getting a word in edgeways.
If someone relentlessly won’t stop talking, it’s very hard to move forward. People can also double whammy block by doing this and being intensely boring at the same time.
The feeling of being on the receiving end of this block is often anger and confusion.
6.Putting attention on you
Having attention on us can be distracting. Whether we like receiving attention or not.
Shifting the focus onto something you are doing, have done, or have been asked to do is one key way of distracting us from the issue at hand. It can be done aggressively or curiously, but the end result is the same - the attention is now on you, and away from what you might want to know, either about the other, or something the other person knows about.
What this looks like is either directed questioning, or noticing something about us and our work. It is hard not to take the bait here, not just because we are naturally interested in our own sphere, and may even want to show off (!) but to divert this question may feel consciously obstructive. Additionally it may be done in such a way that feels good - see the next technique.
7.Charm
I find dogs charming.
Charm is one of the most effective blocking techniques, because frankly it makes being blocked feel good.
In fact with some individuals, it feels so good to get carried along on their river of charm, we go into a Lethe-like dream of wondering what it is we were trying to find out or get done in the first place. Maybe it wasn’t that important. We could always send an email to follow up.
You don’t want to look too closely at the details because it feels so good
We feel so good leaving the connection we mistakenly assume it was a good meeting, but really nothing was established, acknowledged and there was no real action or commitments made. Everything just bounced off the charming persona, perhaps so skilfully that we feel charming in their presence too. In the same way that really good tennis players make us feel good at tennis because they can return all our shots, really charming people have the ability to make you feel like you’re good at charm too, with their witty ripostes. And they give excellent attention, so we guzzle it up and unless we are willing to stick repeatedly to our point and give up the ego massage, we don’t get anywhere.
If you’ve been on the receiving end of one of these and want to know how to get through it, OR you find yourself doing these and you want to stop - drop me a message!