Seven ways (not) to sell to me

There’s many rewards to doing inner work/personal development stuff. Almost inevitably, you come to understand yourself better and one fantastic side effect of that is that you’re much less easy to control, dominate or manipulate.

I’m tentatively exploring how to expand my business at the moment in a way that feels good and so I’m dipping my toe into the world of being sold to, and engaging more than I would usually with the sales invitations that come my way.

I get real annoyed with some of the interactions - my overwhelming experience is being confused and bemused by unconsciously offensive, enthusiastic robots.

And don’t get me started on the ridiculous tactic of suggesting the opposite to try and make you feel bad - like 'it's totally cool you don't want my services, glad your life couldn't get any better, you are a millionaire and you are happy 100 per cent of the time! I'm really glad about that!'

There's a time and a place for that kind of approach and it's not at the beginning of a connection when I can absolutely see what you are doing.

I’m slightly on my high horse; I used to work in sales - it’s a bloody tough job - it’s no wonder people mask up and fake it. And I am sure some of these tactics generate success. Good luck to them.

Some things do really grind my gears though, so I thought I’d write them here as much as anything as a reminder to myself as the ways I want to do business.

1) Be clear and honest - don’t pretend you’re not selling to me

I read emotional currents for a living. The energy of ‘trying to get you somewhere’ is one I can sense immediately. I know when you aren’t trying to be friendly with me for its own sake and I know when you want something from an interaction. That’s fine, that’s how we sell stuff. It’s so cool. Maybe your product is too. Just be clear and honest because otherwise I can’t actually connect with you. It’s OK to be human

2) Don’t ask questions if your only desire is to use the answers to manipulate me

Ask questions to see if we are a fit, sure, or if you can help. But gathering information for the sole purpose of spinning my answers to fit your offer, without genuine human curiosity or without any limits on what I could say in order to stop you from selling, is a massive turn off.

3) Don’t shame me/amplify my fears to make your sale

This is a variation on the point above really. There’s a way that sometimes we do have to confront the reality of what would happen if we listened to our fears forever, or what is going to change if we keep hoping and doing the same things, and be reminded of that truth in order to do something different and take a risk, but within this context, use really bloody sparingly and with absolute love and kindness and care for that person.

Do not have the energy of a veiled threat; buy this or (the worst thing will happen).

Do not suggest I am making a mistake when you have no idea about what a mistake is for me.

Empower me to sign up. Remind me I’m strong enough to handle this. And never shame. Shame has enough of this world. A decision made on shame isn’t a good one.

4) Please don’t sell to my inflated ego, the inflated ego is ridiculous, we all know that

I like the idea of working on a desert island, drinking endless fruity cocktails and doing nothing, but frankly I was on one for 10 days just as a holiday and after 7 I felt bored and marooned.

‘Don’t you want to be THE spiritual authority on this?’ I ALMOST DEFINITELY SHOULD NOT

‘And what would it be like to be famous and have everyone love you and know your name and always be receiving free things and in demand constantly?’ PROBABLY HORRIBLE DON’T TEMPT ME

5) Don’t make ridiculous promises that no one can keep

You can tell me what you think of what you are selling and what other people say about it, but you can’t really know how my experience will pan out. You have no idea what the future is or what my future is, or how I will evaluate this decision in the future.

In all likelihood it will be an evolving process that will change. I have had an entire smorgasboard of feelings about my decision to buy a large blue polo neck. It’s overall positive and I think I got my money’s worth, but at one point I wore it so much that I wanted to burn the thing and never see it again. It’s complicated sometimes.

6) Please don’t copy paste large unedited screeds of unpersonalised text

You literally got fed up of spending time and attention, which is a resource, and I can understand that, but you’ve had no respect for mine.

7) It is vulnerable for me to trust you enough to buy from you.

And that’s really what all of these are about - please recognise that from that start.